Not perfect.

This was my month, February 21st was my day, and everyone was shitting on it. I expect people to just understand what I’ve been through and to not fuck up my month but how can I control others behaviors? They don’t know the difference between Caroline Malloy in the month of February to the month of May and how would they, I just wish we could read minds. It would save a lot of trouble, instead of being an asshole you could read what’s going on in someone’s head and then choose your words wisely. I act the way I do, I dress the way I do, I walk the way I do, and overall I present myself the way I do because 2 years ago, my confidence, my ability to love, and trust were taken away from me. I try to stay confident and it makes me who I am today, but for the longest time I forgot what it was like to love myself. How do you understand what someone is going through when they have perfected the art of faking it? It’s hard to be able to let someone in when I continue to believe I’m not good enough. I want to learn how to love and there’s a difference between feeling safe in bed and feeling safe in a relationship. Feeling safe sexually took me a while to learn but with a boyfriend,I have yet to figure that out. I don’t know if I can be my true self without him knowing what happened to me, his reaction will say it all. I will love the man who makes me feel safe at that moment.